you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So apparently I’m into choking now
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