he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
