Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
