she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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