i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
