We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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