Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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