I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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