I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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