Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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