the condom got lost in my hair
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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