I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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