I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
