If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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