i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
