And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
