first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
