Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
