zippers are such a cool invention
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
