And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
