OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
