brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
