I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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