I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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