I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
