how can u be prego again
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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