One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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