I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
