when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
