he puts the penis in happiness.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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