he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We smell like vodka and hangover
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