How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
