Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
40s are totally the cure
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
