haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
