she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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