This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
