After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
