Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there is glitter all over my balls
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
