I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
