You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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