ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
