he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
