I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
