I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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