Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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