Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
