Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
