You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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