I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
