I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
